Almost a year and a half since my last blog has passed. So many life altering things happened in that 15 months.
Shortly after the August 2017 post and after 23 years of marriage, I reluctantly filed for a divorce. No one (that I know of) ever sets out for a divorce. I tried for so very long. I tried for us, for the kids, and for Christianity. Some things just aren’t meant to be no matter how hard you pray. Yes, God can save marriages but only if both parties are willing to change, work hard at mending the hurts, and continue to love each other. Not many divorces end pleasantly. My divorce was far from pretty and unfortunately and ultimately left lasting scars on myself and my children. I wish things had worked out differently.
This isn’t bashing session on ex-husbands.
This blog is about my journey and the divorce was and is still a part of my journey.
We had such big plans together for the Arthur’s building and the second building we had purchased in Laurel, Mississippi. Arthur’s was going to be a huge art gallery and four AirBnB’s on the second floor. The second building was purchased with plans to put in a restaurant. With the divorce looming, it was unclear what would happen with both of the buildings if anything. My world for 23 years was crashing down around me faster than I could adapt and readjust. Yes, it was my decision so you might be saying I deserved every bit of what I was dealt. If you knew the whole story, you might see things in a different light. One day I may share what I and my children went through but that’s up to me to decide. So judge if you wish but also give grace.
As the life I thought I had seemed to dissipate right before my eyes, and things in some parts of the marriage were made crystal clear, I knew I had no choice but to leave as soon as I could. I felt the best place for me and my son to go would be the place we had family and the possibility to rebuild a different kind of life. I chose Laurel because if there was the slightest possible miracle from God, it would be that some way, some how, I would still be able to open the gallery; although at that time, I wasn’t believing in any miracles. I was mourning a 23 year long marriage that only existed in my mind and not in reality. Nothing was what I thought it was. Nothing. I had poured everything I had into making my marriage work and to face the facts was one of the most difficult parts of the divorce. I felt God had failed me and left me in the wilderness. I felt I had failed God and an entire church back in Houston, Texas before we moved to Franklin, Tennessee. Not having a game plan for the divorce because it came so suddenly put me in a panic. I had some education and a good field of study but no real source of income at that time. The divorce started in September of 2017 and my son and I were gone from Franklin, Tennessee (a place we truly loved) by December of 2017. We arrived in Laurel by way of the largest UHaul truck they could rent us. Half of the belongings from our home in Franklin were packed in that truck along with our dog, Scottie Pippen.
The next few months were sort of a blur. There were some major adjustments that my son and I had to go through. There were friends and family members lost along the journey that might not ever be parts of our lives again. If you’ve never been through a divorce, trust me when I say it felt like I was trudging inch by inch through a four alarm fire and the smoke was taking over my body and burning from within. The pain was almost unbearable. Thankfully, the God that I thought left me in the wilderness sent angels along every single step of the way.